Hello angels, I am back with another collab and this week it’s with my Canadian blogger friend Jen from BossyBabe. As we are both mums it felt right to dedicate this post all about motherhood, the topic being: what we thought it would be versus what it actually is like. Being a mum is the best, most rewarding and proudest thing I ever will achieve, but along side that it’s the hardest and most challenging – I definitely didn’t give all the parents in the world enough credit before Poppy was born!
Disclaimer: I don’t want this to come across as if I am moaning or speaking negatively about motherhood as it truly is the greatest thing ever, I simply want to bring awareness to the struggles that come alongside.
It’s not like what you see in films
You know on TV you see all of these radiant mums with their teeny days old baby showing them off to visitors and they are so glowing and full of love? Wrong. The first few weeks of being post partum, the last thing you want to do is leave your XXL pyjamas and comfy sofa and hand over your precious newborn baby to lots of people. Although giving birth is a beautiful miracle, it’s the least glamorous, there are so many side effects you may not even think of: hair loss, leaky boobs, night sweats, baby blues, and lets not even get started on the stitches. Although being in lockdown came with A LOT of negatives, spending the first couple months in our own bubble and having Harry here 24/7 was so good for us.
Even though you’re not at work, you have less free time
I always envisioned once I am on my maternity leave, I will have soo much free time to put into my blog, work on improving the house, do all of these fun activities and get back to my pre pregnancy body. But oh my god, you NEVER have free time and I can now laugh at all of these goals and plans I had before Poppy as it was so naïve of me to think those things. I don’t get enough time to enjoy a hot coffee and reply to my texts let alone go to the gym multiple times a week haha!
The love you feel is stronger than you ever imagined
I always thought I knew what loving my baby would be like, until it actually happens. I don’t think I have sobbed as uncontrollably as much as I did when the midwives delivered Poppy and put her on my chest, the sudden overwhelming whoosh of love hits you like a tonne of bricks. There isn’t an adjective out there that is good enough to describe the level of happiness and love you feel.
Even if you thought you wouldn’t, you change as a person
I have always been a worrier, ever since I was young. I would worry so much about the tiniest things, but since having Poppy I have noticed myself not worrying about all the trivial things I used to, like whether someone judges me for something embarrassing I say or if I go out in public with no makeup and don’t look my best. Since going through labour and all the challenges that come with raising a baby, I am a much stronger person than I once was and let’s be honest I no longer have time to worry about the irrelevant shit. However, I wish I could be just as positive about my physical changes. I wish I could come on here and preach about how much I appreciate my mum body but 6 months later I am still trying to accept how I look now. I remember looking in the mirror a couple days post partum and it was genuinely like seeing a stranger – but I would happily sacrifice my body and everything more for my beautiful baby girl.
You won’t be perfect as the perfect mum doesn’t exist
I think its completely normal to want to be the perfect parent as it’s the most important job you’ll ever have, but you also need to remember that even if you are doing a brilliant job you will probably think of something you can improve on (mum guilt is real). In pregnancy I envisioned having a beautiful natural water birth and then breastfeeding, but the reality is I ended up in theatre and Poppy wouldn’t latch. Even now I put an unrealistic pressure on myself to be the perfect mum you read in books or see online: wean her on homemade purees, do gentle parenting and never raise my voice but let’s be honest it is so unrealistic to put an immense pressure on as you are only human and parenting is bloody hard work, you can’t be perfect 24/7. If you’re a mum then I am here to remind you that you are doing great and deserve a break from the pressure!
Thank you all for reading, as always I appreciate it so much. I urge you to head over to Bossy Babes blog and read her post on this topic as she is such a brilliant writer and shares her stories with extraordinary lessons. Some are also very hilarious! Her favourite post of mine is The Game of Guilt, where she talks all about the pressure us mums go through, I defo recommend reading it.
Until next time,